An Ode to Mathematics
By Kim Seung-Chan (David)
Dear Mathematics
Let me be frank. You might remember when I firstly met you in the elementary school. I was an eight-year-old boy who did not even know what ‘Mathematics’ is, right? Of course, I clearly remember the first day at elementary school. I kept turning and turning the pages in freshmen mathematics textbook, but I still didn’t know how to do add ‘three’ to ‘sixteen’, whereas others around me could already recite the multiplication table with ease. I felt so shamed that my friends were all good at arithmetic unlike me.
But I didn’t give up. In the school, I learned how to do add, subtract, multiply and divide. I also recited multiplication table and basic concepts of geometry, algebra and probability. My math teacher taught me how to solve problems as well. Step by step and year by year, I studied you, Mathematics, and made myself proficient in solving math problems.
I remember, dear Mathematics, middle school life was when I started to enjoy you a lot. My math teacher asked me, “Why don’t you participate in Mathematics competition, Seung-Chan? You have so far improved a lot and you’ll do a great job in the competition” At first, I hesitated. Up until then I have never thought I was better at math than others were. However, she strongly encouraged me to challenge upcoming math competition.
Since then, I tried to solve really hard and complicated problems. It was quite interesting to learn number theories, inequality techniques, and Euclidean geometry. The more I learned you, Mathematics, the more I was attracted by your beauty and purity. Whenever I learned new formula of equations, I applied them into other hard questions. Whenever I studied new geometrical theories, I drew them again and again to thoroughly understand them. Whenever I faced with challenging problems, I never gave up. Instead, I tried to come up with new solutions and new techniques. Even though my solutions were often wrong and flimsy, I learned so many things through trying those wrong solutions as well.
Now I am high school student and I’m in Korean Minjok Leadership Academy. But if I hadn’t met and enjoyed you, mathematics, I would have never received many awards and medals in the competitions. Maybe, my passion and love toward Mathematics, you, was perhaps a propelling force for me to challenge to enter KMLA, which is Korea’s best gifted high school.
Regretfully, during my high school life, I haven’t so far put much attention to you, Mathematics. I have so many burdening tasks to do. I have to memorize all the SAT words, prepare for Physics Quiz and write European History term paper. Now I have my own problems, so I have no time to solve your problems. I feel really sorry. But please know this: I was so happy to learn you. I have enjoyed you a lot. Even though there are so many things to do, I will never forget you forever.
Hi David,
답글삭제This is good, and other than some superficial grammar issues, you write clearly. There are no standout issues, but your sentences could become leaner, as there tend to be extra words repeated that aren't needed. This is often the subject of the sentence or paragraph coming up in the antecedent. It's not wrong, and shows you want to maintain clarity in an very mathematical way - but try to combine sentences and make them more complex without repeating. Strive for rhythm and flow, and cut out some of the fat. I suggest reading out loud, and listening for those words that bog things down.
In terms of content, you do a good job of recounting your relationship with your favorite subject, and I enjoyed this most when you started to weave in math-related terms concepts. I think you could and should do more of this right from the start, and try to add some musical qualities (alliteration). Don't be afraid to serve up a long-winded run-on sentence that explicates a complex mathematical theory. You say you love Math, but I want to see that passion. At this point, it's a little bit distant. It seems you are only dating Math.
Personify Math as a beautiful girl you can't keep your eyes off of.
As well, a picture would help to add some flavor and context.
All in all, good work. Here is a cleaned up version below where I've smoothed out your sentences a little.
Dear Mathematics,
답글삭제Let me be frank. You might remember when I first met you in elementary school. I was an eight-year-old boy who did not even know what ‘Mathematics’ was, right? Of course, I clearly remember the first day at elementary school. I kept turning and turning the pages in my freshmen mathematics textbook, but I still didn’t know how to do add ‘three’ to ‘sixteen’, whereas others around me could already recite the multiplication tables with ease. I felt so shamed that my friends were all good at arithmetic, unlike me.
But I didn’t give up. At school, I learned to add, subtract, multiply and divide. I also memorized the multiplication tables and basic concepts of geometry, algebra and probability. My math teacher taught me how to solve problems, and step by step and year by year, I studied you, Mathematics, and became proficient at solving your endless riddles.
I remember, dear Mathematics, that middle school was when and where I started to truly enjoy you. My math teacher asked me, “Why don’t you participate in the Mathematics competition, Seung-Chan? You have improved so much and you’ll do a great job.” At first, I hesitated. Up until then I had never thought I was better at math than others were. However, she strongly encouraged me to accept the challenge and join the upcoming math competition.
Since then, I’ve continually tried to solve really hard and complicated problems. It was quite interesting to learn number theories, inequality techniques, and Euclidean geometry. The more I learned you, Mathematics, the more I was attracted by your beauty and purity. Whenever I learned new formula of equations, I applied them into other more difficult questions. Whenever I studied new geometrical theories, I drew them again and again to thoroughly understand them. Whenever I became faced with challenging problems, I never gave up. Instead, I tried to come up with new solutions and new techniques. Even though my solutions were often wrong and flimsy, I learned so many things through trial and error..
Now I am a high school student at the Korean Minjok Leadership Academy. But if I hadn’t met and enjoyed you, Mathematics, I would never have received those many awards and medals in competitions. Maybe, my passion and love towards you was a propelling force to enter KMLA, which is Korea’s best high school for the gifted.
Regretfully, during my high school life, I haven’t, thus far, paid much attention to you, Mathematics. I have so many other burdensome tasks to attend to. I have to memorize all the SAT words, prepare for a Physics Quiz, and write a European History term paper. Now that I have so many of my own problems, I have no time left to solve yours. I feel really sorry, but please know this: I am always so happy to learn you. I have, and continue to, enjoy you a lot. Even though there are so many things to do, I will never forget you, forever.