Commissioned Essay #1

Nobody is allowed to start the race five seconds earlier or ten meters ahead; starting line is always same for all. It is, for me, too. In each of four lanes, each player is having their own diving posture. They are all waiting for the start, and a cold silence fills the entire stadium until the race begins. Tic Toc. I now grab my ankles with my hands, but still stares at the front. Then I take a deep breath, waiting for the last moment right before the race begins.

“Three….two…..one…..Go!”

When the whistle sound splits my ear and I dive into the water, I suddenly become alone. Stretching my arms and splashing water with my two legs, I find myself just moving forward, not even recognizing what’s ahead of me. Five seconds pass. At this moment, I usually feel that the water of swimming pool is freezing cold, and fifty meter is not a short distance for an amateur swimmer. In the middle of the lane, I become extremely afraid of what’s going on. Where am I? How long should I go further? Ten seconds pass, but still the turning point does not seem to appear.

The reason why swimming race competition is challenging is that I couldn’t help but thinking somebody in another lane will move much faster than me. I know I’m never faster than other semi-pro swimmer friends, who’ve already mastered all techniques of swimming and experienced regional competitions, but the cold water knows no mercy for me as well until the end of the race. During the race, it’s impossible to watch others swimming, so that I can’t know how far they are right now. Maybe some of them would’ve already completed their races, right?

‘What am I doing here? Why am I competing with these semi-pro swimmers? If I give up here, I can have a rest, can’t I?’

These frustrating thoughts dominate my weakening consciousness. And always, at that moment, somehow, I eventually get to the turning point.

‘I’ve already come twenty-five meters! Only twenty-five meters are left!’

Then, surprisingly, my eyes are always widely open when I’m at the half point of the entire race. I always realize that what remain for me are not strong muscles, physical stamina, nor better agility – I seriously lacked these qualities. But what only remained was my ability not to give up. It was a strong will power to make a last spurt when I felt I was left behind from others. That made me never give up any races I’ve joined since I entered the varsity swimming club in the freshmen year; though I was not a great swimmer, the inexplicable power of last spurt enabled me to complete my own race, always.

In reminiscence, this inexplicable will has led me here so far. That’s why I could enjoy all the learning and activities I’ve joined at KMLA without giving them up, no matter how challenging and demanding they are. Debate club activity was certainly one of them, in that I was never a good debater when I first entered the club. Unlike many other students who’ve at least once studied abroad before, English was an enormous challenge for me. Some even said that it would be a miracle if I survive in the most competitive society of national debate champions. Of course, I was crushed by seniors and peers, but at the end, I never gave up. Some inexplicable will from my heart motivated me to keep trying and keep practicing until I get better, whatever the starting line was.

Even though I became a senior, I cannot say I’m better swimmer or greater debater than others. Some freshmen swimmers and rookie debaters are even much better than me. But it doesn’t matter to me. What matters is that there still remains a lot of room for improvement in front of me, no matter who races in the next lane, no matter how fast they are. Although there must be some obstacles, I’m sure I will never give up. The will to continue my race still dominates and motivates me. Of course, my race is not over yet.